Why do Canadians say “I’m Sorry?”
I am Canadian. I fit the stereotype: I say "I'm sorry,"a lot. Probably more than I realize.
Here are three reasons Canadians say “I’m sorry:”
1. REAL GUILT
Guilt is a helpful emotion.
Guilt shows that I have a conscious. When I make a mistake, hurt someone, or do something that goes against my morals or values, I feel guilty.
Allowing myself to feel guilty leads me to right the wrong, apologize, or repair the damage I've done to re-align with my values and integrity.
For example: I'm walking down the street, texting and not looking where I am going. I abruptly stop and you accidentally slam into me and fall down. My real guilt is evoked because I know I should have been watching where I was going. I rush to help you up and say "I'm sorry!" because I know it was my fault. If I was being mindful of my surroundings, you might not have fallen.
Real guilt is evoked when I am responsible for a choice that directly hurts someone else.
2. FALSE GUILT
Guilt is unhelpful when it is evoked by an experience that is not my responsibility.
False guilt convinces us we should feel bad for something we didn't actually cause.
For example: I notice you walking while texting and not looking, so I do my best to avoid you, but as I try to pass you, you abruptly stop and I slam into you. I fall down and am injured. I did everything I could to avoid the situation. If I then profusely say "I'm sorry!!" to you (isn't this the stereotypical Canadian example??), I would argue this is false guilt. If I feel bad because you weren't looking and injured me, I don't think I have anything to feel guilty for.
3. EMPATHY
Sometimes I say "I'm sorry" when I actually mean "I feel bad for you, I know what it's like to feel that way." It's the feeling of knowing what it's like to hurt.
For example: I am walking down the street, doing my best to be mindful, and accidentally bump into you and you fall down. I know it’s not my fault, it was an accident. I say “I’m sorry,” when what I actually mean is “I feel bad for you, that must have hurt.”
As you can see, maybe us Canadians have a range of several feelings that get lumped together and expressed in an undifferentiated way as, "I'm sorry." Really, the apology could mean a few things.
So, when I am feeling real guilt or empathy, I am actually quite proud to be a Canadian and say to you "I'm sorry!"
